Thursday, November 26, 2009

Dear Bloggers,
Frank and I are wiping the sweat from our brows and emerging from our secret laboratories gratified and exhausted knowing that our groundbreaking work on the female anatomy is complete. The alphabet is covered and our test subjects sent home satiated. Women everywhere will someday benefit from our selfless research on the inexhaustable bounderies of female pleasure. There was a time there during the process that I thought we might lose Frank, having gone three nights without sleep or rest, but he got his second wind and discovered spot L, M, N, O2 and P. It was a glorious moment in our research. Farkel's P spot was abandoned altogether, we quickly realized that he was there only for the donuts.
Now that we have saved Humnanity, Frank and I are once again ready to tackle the problems of the day in that virtual wasteland you all reside in, yes Bobcatty, that means you. We are planning a few personal appearances and some charity work helping homeless Playmates, but we should have time to help you with your petty squabbles and ridiculous crisis'. Remember, as you're carving up that turkey today, to be Thankful for Frank and I, for if it wasn't for us Idyllwild would just be real estate, pawn shops and hookers. Happy Thanksgiving!!!!


  1. Dear F&C;
    With the holidays approaching, I need some advice on the dreaded season of giving.
    My brother and sister-in-law are exceptionally picky and have never liked or used anything I have given them, (except that thermos 10 years ago.) Nonetheless, they are unstintingly generous and always shower our family with lovely gifts which my children destroy within minutes.
    My husband's brother and his wife usually send a large package of baked goods, but since they never bother to visit it's not worth it to mail them a box of junk if I can't be there in person to see the look of boredom and indifference on their faces when they open it.
    My family's insistence on exchanging gifts leaves me in the awkward position of reciprocating with something cheap, yet fancy-looking for them to unwrap, then throw away. How can I break them of this habit so I can instead spend my money on shoes and liquor for myself?
    Sincerely, Bobcatty

  2. Bobcatty,
    The holiday season is a tough time for all us self-centered types who don't want to exert the energy of trying to figure out a gift to buy that someone might actually want. It's tough when we can usually never get out thoughts off of ourselves. But don't fret, I have the perfect solution for you...the Bull Scrotum candy dish. It's made of an actual Bull scrotum and comes with it's own stand. The sheer shock of the gift will ensure that they never throw it out, in fact they're likely to pull it out whenever guests are over, if for nothing more than to laugh and joke about their sister in law,YOU, who is literally out of her flippin' mind. For a double whammy send a can of roasted nuts along with the "dish". They'll love grabbing the nuts out of the "scrotum" dish. You're welcome and Merry Christmas.

  3. Dear Conor,
    The bull scrotum candy dish is a lovely suggestion, thoughtful and unique. But won't it just complicate my dilemma if they like it as much as you say they will? Then I'll have to search high and low every year for exotic and vaguely obscene animal parts to stick in their stockings, leaving no time or cash for Bailey's. I guess this really is bad advice!

  4. But it's good bad advice

  5. Dear Candace,
    Again I agree with you.That is good bad advice, but its also fun just saying "bull scrotum" over and over again.

  6. Conor, wake up!

  7. Dear Anonymous,
    Conor is currently under a gag order from the Chamber of Commerce for telling the same off color joke too many times ,too many weeks in a row. Also due to his advanced age, he may have forgotten that he has a blog site. Thanks for reminding him.
    P.S. Anonymous, do you need advice? Here's some , SHUT UP !
    Hope that was helpful.

  8. LOL! OMG This beats reading letters to the Editor in Surfer Magazine!

  9. Wow. Pawn shops, hookers and Bad Advice. What a place! And with all that real estate, Frank and Conor have plenty of room to spread their wings. Sooooo, what up you two? Could you please get with the program.


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