Sunday, August 30, 2009

so, "get on the stick" says: "Jp's blog is looking good" More than one of you jumped on the "conor is a whining little bitch" band wagon. And now we're getting in the middle of a feud between the "Idyllbeast" and the "Taquitz Monster" ? Ok, I had a moment of self doubt, so shoot me. You want JP's blog? Fine, I'm sure he'd be happy to take our sloppy seconds. As far as this battle of the mythical creatures, go cry on David Jeromes hairy shoulder. I'm sure he'd appreciate some relief from his guitar lessons.
As for Frank and I, we're going global. It is clear we're in need of a more sophisticated, more complex thinking audience. An audience across the sea where women are allowed to sunbathe with or sans top. Where a two hour lunch is a right and an obligation not a sign of laziness. Where children are fed watered down wine at the age of 10, not twinkies and a bag of Fritos. This, my "ex-friends", is the future of "Bad Advice in the Morning". You hot chicks out there in need of our unique take on your miserable world, feel free to keep the pleas for understanding and apathy coming. As for the rest of you wrinkled old men, try JP or maybe Marshall and see how you like their style of irony and wit. Frank has been in Paris (or maybe Perris) lining up an office space for him and me from which we can storm the Bastille with vim and vigor. "How you gonna keep them down on the farm once they've seen gay old Perris?" This "whiny bitch" has left the building. When Frank returns from France we're packing up and hitting the road to the stars. It's been a fun ride but now we have to start dating other people. Abiento!!! Adieu!!..........Until that time comes......keep letters coming.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Remember, you don't just have to read the posts. There is a wealth of hidden treasures deep beneath the post in the comment section. Remember, Life is just a bowl of cherries, and after the lights go out...the cherries are gone.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Dear Frank and Conor fans:
Having been unemployed for the past 5 months has got me in a bit of a funk. I need a reality check. Jobs I used to book on a regular basis, I'm not longer booking. Is it me or the present business climate? Have I changed that much? Is the ride over? Should I just exit the car and go look for another way to make mischief and cashola? Your feedback be a welcoming light on a dark and restless sea.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

"Draw thy sword, that if my words offend a noble thy arm may do thee justice". I hate to say it but Lou Bacher has sparred with nobility. He has embraced the spirit of the roast. So few have ever known the honor of being skewered, skinned and roasted by those who love you, the sheer teary eyed ecstasy of it. Thanks Lou. You like me. You really, really like me.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Hey Lou,
Bullies back in school? Did you get hazed back in the day? Now I'm beginning to understand why you're so interested in Choral Music. Maybe it was the little notes your mother put in your lunch that invited the ridicule. Here's some advice, stop wearing the short shorts and cover up those flamingo stalks you call legs, then get a real job (digging ditches or something worthy of the name "man") and then, and only then, will you hear the "silence of the bullies", sweet Clarice. Sweet Silence, something that Elaine will never know.
Dear Gump,
So you find it difficult to work at Cafe Aroma because of all the distractions? I wouldn't worry to much about, Frank doesn't seem to be able to get any of his people to work and they're there a lot more than you. Try talking your boss into learning how to kayak and he'll be to busy perfecting his river skills to notice whether you're at Cafe Aroma working or at home schtupping your young athletic husband. But the jewish lady with the I-phone will always bug you, get used to it...not because she's jewish but because she's a Mac person. They're as annoying as all get out, whatever that means.
Dear Belly-Dancing Gay-Bro
First off, I can't believe you took your date to Cafe Aroma for an intimate dinner for just the two of you. With Frank fluttering about it's wonder you could get your date to look at you at all. But it appears that it was the belly dancers that caught his eye. We in the business refer to this as a "Reverse Ted Haggard". Haggard is, by his own accounts, a straight man with "issues". I believe your date is a gay bro with "issues". I believe you can wear anything so long as it buttons in the back, if you get my drift. If belly dancing floats your boat then belly dance, but I suggest a full torso body wax first.