Thursday, July 9, 2009

All you worried, hurting and confused; Frank and I are up and running. Come and cry on our shoulders, tell us your problems and we'll be happy to give you the worst advise possible. It may not help but it could hurt. If you have a question you need help with use the comment key and let our years of bad decisions be your guide. Below is a template to help you get started.


Dear Frank and Conor being the wise, incredibly attractive and sexy men that you are maybe you can help me with a Problem.......

It's that easy and you're on your way. We're waiting.

93 comments:

  1. You're finally doing something completely useless with your lives. Congratulations!

    ReplyDelete
  2. jim, being the underachievers that Frank and I are, the Town Crier is the perfect place to live out our low expectations.

    ReplyDelete
  3. From the amount of feedback you're getting from all your friends and neighbors, it looks like you are both meeting and exceeding your dubious expectations.

    ReplyDelete
  4. what do you mean "both", working with Frank on this thing is like working with Harpo Marx

    ReplyDelete
  5. wake up and smell the coffee.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear Bad Advisors-

    Everyone thinks of me as "Mr. Becky Clark." What should I do?

    (name withheld by request)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Dear Anonymous, First, Stop knitting in public. I dont mean when your with her. I mean stop all together.It's unmanly.Second, a new hair style. Frank & Conor suggest that salon in the village center.What's her name? Dawn? She gives a good coiff,Go there.Third, a new wardrobe. Go and get yourself some of those ribbed tank tops. You know,the ones the Italians are so fond of and start wearing them. And Forth,practice this Sentence"HEY,SHE'S WITH ME! GOT IT?" and use it everytime you walk into a room.Don't wait to be asked.Hope this was helpfull.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Re: "Frank and Conor being wise, incredibly attractive and sexy" Maybe you ought to buy a full page ad in the Town Crier and ask our opinion!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dear F & C:

    I think it's the hats, but I am very tempted to unburden myself to you. Yet I am afraid. Very afraid.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Dear Frank & Conor,
    My husband has a "harem" of men that I just cannot get him to shake off. His bevy of dudes consists of a big-mouthed actor, a lumberjack kind of guy that talks like Mike Tyson, and a former firefighter that now enjoys taking photos of flowers and bumblebees. I am very concerned about these "bromances". What should I do?

    ReplyDelete
  11. I would be afraid as well. These two yokels could say almost anything. But, what the heck, you only get a few opportunities in life to be insulted by professionals.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Anonymous,We realize the toll a moniker like "Mr. Becky Clark" can have on a mans psyche. Remember Robin Williams career after Mrs. Doubtfire ? Of course not, nobody does. If you follow the advice above , you will be amazed at the results.Just try not to over due it at first.For example DO NOT get your ears pierced.Hope this was helpful.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dear "anonymous", my question to you is: why does your husband have a "harem" of men and not you? Is it that you can grow a better moustache than him? I wouln't concern yourself too much with your husband's "bromances". Let's face without his friends to bitch and moan to about his marriage, you might end up the subject of a future "48 hours mystery" episode. Look at the american Indian culture, the men were out hunting and gathering with their bro-heims most of the time and only came back to the wives to make little indians and seem to make out alright...aside from the near genocide and near complete destruction of their culture and way of life. But they got along with their wives ok.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dear Jack,I mean anonymous, being known as "Mister Becky Clark" is not the worst thing in the world. You could be know as "Mr Bernie Madoff". Becky's hot. She's funny, especially with that cute little southern accent, although I hear it's fake. Embrace your inner Becky. If this town can accept Pete and Vic we can overlook anything. Disregard Frank's wardrobe recommendations. He's living vicariously through you.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Dear guys: I am Becky Clark's high school friend and I can tell you plenty of slick boys with southern accents to match hers wanted bad to be thought of as the Mr part of the equation! Just thought I'd add that as a witness to her past greatness. Sincerely, a Friend

    ReplyDelete
  16. Dear Mary,I'm confused. On what area of the body is the equation located?

    ReplyDelete
  17. How do you cook a duck in a dutch oven. And if it's a widgeon what type of seasoning do you use?

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mary is thinking of an answer to the question

    ReplyDelete
  19. Dear helpful guys: Does it bother you that one of you looks like Art Carney and the other like Jerry Lewis? Respectfully, M...I mean, anonymous.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Why does this blog seem to be dripping with testosterone? And in case you haven't noticed the most powerful bromance in Idyllwild is Frank and Conor themselves. If they didn't have gorgeous wives I would have my worries.

    I have lived here 8 yrs and have never been asked out on a date. I think it is time to move back to Ireland.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Wow, just in time ... two really hunky guys giving advice. OK, I'm just priming the pump. I used to live in Idy and am thinking of moving back next year. What are my chances of meeting some nice older guys for some fun and possibly ...?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Dear Kevin,The thing about dutch ovens is that all of the really good ones are in Holland.Where as it so happens the widgeon is in season right now.
    Your widgeon I'm guessing is probably frozen.The widgeon thawing process can be quite daunting. Have you thawed your widgeon yet?

    ReplyDelete
  23. I take umbrage to the comment about Dutch ovens, "all of the really good ones are in Holland. I'm Dutch, live in Pine Cove, and my husband really likes my oven :)

    Pine Cove Dutch girl

    ReplyDelete
  24. Dear Gaye, Umbrage? Isn't that an awful big word for a 12yr old?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Dear annonymous, your chances of meeting some nice older guys in Idyllwild are 6 to 1. However, if you're willing to "prime the pump" as you say, your odds increase to 4 to 1. Most of the really nice guys in town can be found either at Jo-ann's or the Legion, although I hear the best pickin's can be found at the dump. There's nothing like the smell of rotting potato skins to really get you Phermones fired up.

    ReplyDelete
  26. To all our fans in Idyllwild. Is everyone in this town named "anonymous? When writing to a column such as this the proper protocal is to use a pseudonym. Come on get with the program

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dear Mary, thank you for coming to Becky's defense. I'm sure there were many men who wanted to be part of her equator, either north or south or both for that matter. After years of being the editor of the town paper I'm happy there are still some people who will stand in her corner. You must live out of town.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dear Frank and Coner, I work out at the gym daily, with my good buddy. It is a great time of mano e mano. Heres the problem. Today I have a chance to paint the toe nails of this very gorgeous lady. She asked me to stop by while she gets ready for this party and help her out. By all means I am not a pedicurist, but I do know a pair of very sensitive feet when I see them.I am afraid it will devistate my work out partner if he knows I will not be there for our daily dose of sweat and toil. I already know what I am going to do. How should I approach this situation of not being there for my good friend.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Dear Bolo,Sounds like a delicate situation. If your gym buddy is bigger & stronger than you I'd be careful. But why not offer him her other foot? They come with two you know. And ten toes.If you guys enjoy your gym time together so much.Just imagine how much fun the three of you could have with toe paint.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Dear Bloggers,While comparisons to Iconic figures like Jerry Lewis and Art Carney are very flatering and words like Bromance can be aplicable in some cases. We understand that it is not uncommon for patients to fixate and develop crushes on thier physicians.Conor for instance thought he was in love with his colon therapist for almost six months last year but eventually got it all out of his system. We like to think of ourselves as Bro-fesionals or at the very least Bro-models for all of you out there.Remember,this column is for and about you. Although bad advice may at first glance be easy to come by. Really good bad advice is only available here.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Oh, my gosh...it is the famous BOLO! I have not seen your "screen name" online since some secret love notes several years ago. Wow...how have you been? Hope to hear more from you on "Bad Advice in the Morning" with Frank & Conor!

    ReplyDelete
  32. I must say I'm pleased that the citizens of Idyllwild and the world beyond is so trouble and worry-free. Frank and I are the Maytag repairmen of advice columns. Should you have any problems that might need our careless-taking, you where to find us. Meanwhile we'll be nurturing our budding "bromance".

    ReplyDelete
  33. Dear Frank and Conor,

    My husband seems overly obsessed with the latest electronic gadgets...short of adorning myself in cables and iphones, how can I divert his attention back to where it should be...? ;)

    Super G

    ReplyDelete
  34. Dear Frank and Connor,

    I don't know which hair color do go with next. Blonde? Black? Red? Pink? Purple? Help!

    Me :-)

    ReplyDelete
  35. Dear Super G, I"m guessing that your last name(G) is not short for gadget. To bad, It would have been a great start. The problem with becoming a fembot is that they can be extremely dangerous when aroused or agitated. Downloading free I phone apps is far less threatening to a man.You need to sit down and have a serious text with him. Don't hold back,use lots of emoticons.Let it all out.Remind of the old days and the time before you,when all he had was dos and dot matrix.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Dear Rebeckichka, What a refreshing question! We get alot of inquiries on decorating,for instance should the carpet match the drapes?And while we're on the subject the answer to that is no.Not with all the attention being focused on hard wood lately.This has opened up a whole new color spectrum for drape colors.Anyway back to hair color choices.I'd stay with a solid color,just not black. Even the vampires on True Blood this season have opted to stay away from dark gothic shades

    ReplyDelete
  37. So happy to see that my talented neighbor finally has a venue! Conor, do me a favor, woof to Bob and tell him I will be up next weekend.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Patty the part timerJuly 12, 2009 at 12:25 PM

    Dear Frank and Conner, your column is very refreshing in these turbulent times. My question is this, do you have any onsies available in the Idyll-Beast logo?? We have 2 grand children expected by the end of the year and thought the onsie would make such a wonderful gift.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Hey Patty the part-timer...I'm Denney the part-timer. You should join the Idyllwild Part-timer's Network. Email me at Idyllwildpartimers@yahoo.com

    ReplyDelete
  40. Dear techno-anonymous, I once had a girlfriend who was also a "techno-freak". She came over one night and I dressed as the tin man from the wiszrd of oz. Needless to say we did a little rattling around that night. Have you thought of a romantic dinner, candles, a little wine, some good Irish cuisine? Dress up in a nice dress, maybe with a floral pattern, like Jessica Tandy in "Driving Miss Daisy" After dinner go for a drive, you in the backseat, he in the front. Maybe you could bark out some orders in kind of a weak frail voice. After you get back home climb into bed and cover youself in flour and pretend you're dead. Maybe paint your lips blue. But you must remain absolutely still and be quite as a church mouse. If this doesn't work then I don't know a thing about men.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Dear Frank and Connor, as a local business owner how can I persuade employees at my competitors to come work for me?... and how do I keep them for the long term?

    Local Business Owner

    ReplyDelete
  42. Dear Local Business Owner,Here at the Bad Advice offices insentives are the key.For example:Pedicure wednesdays are a big hit.This is when Conor takes time away his computer and personally manicures the feet of all of the staff.I am in charge of the bikini waxings on Tuesdays(my own technique,basically painless)Another insentive is what Conor and I like to call "one night in perris"This is when we award an employee of the month an over night mini vacation in beautiful Perris ,California(home of the nation's largest AM PM )
    You've got to see it to believe it.Little things like these show an employee that you care.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Dear Frank and Conor,

    I am happy to report that your part of the blog is outpacing the traditional news side by about 10 posts to 1!

    Keep up the good bad work. It's far more interesting than ARF drama and Idyllwild Fire wars.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Dear Frank and Conor(notice Frank is before Conor),

    I figured there are no better men to ask this question than the two of you, as you two are the resident Bromantics on the hill. Now Conor, I know that you have more than one bromance, with each one allowing you to express your innermost desires that you need in a man friend. For example, the two most notable being one, we'll call him Jerry, who wears his fur coat to the beach, has a striking resemblance to Borat and has a unquenchable thirst for men in neoprene. While the other, lets just say, Lenny, is a strappling Italian who eats, sleeps, and goes to the gym(the sleeping part is questionable), while having an undeniable wit and unnatural affinity for Pelligrino. The question is Frank and Conor, how do you balance these bromances without neglecting one man? How do you find time for all of them when they are not necissarily in the same circle of friends? Also, lastly and most importantly(I'm not married so obviously questions of my sexuality are frequent with all these men hanging around)how do you still manage to convince everyone you're not homosexual?

    ReplyDelete
  45. hey, i heard they were opening a stud farm at the steak house. where can i apply?

    -idyllwild meat.

    ReplyDelete
  46. dear idyllwild meat, regarding your inquiry for applying to "stud farm" opening. Auditions will be held July 20th in the center of town across from El Diablo at the "flacid fountain", I'm sure you know where that is. If you show up and we're not there just wait.

    ReplyDelete
  47. Dear Travis, thank you for your concern on how I manage my time. You seem to know my every move. I can't believe that after being online for less than a week I already have my own stalker. There is nothing more "bromantic" than a jealous man. But put the claws away tiger, there is plenty of love to go around. As to my personal sexual preferences, I'm a raging quad-sexual. I'm attracted to humans, various reptiles, sham-wow's and anything that involves caramel. I always enjoy your sense of "brohumor".

    ReplyDelete
  48. Dear Frank and Conor, When I moved to Idyllwild a few years ago my husband had a full head of hair. Now he is completely bald and does not have a hair on his body! What do you think could have caused this? We do eat all our meals at Cafe Aroma. Nancy Nair

    ReplyDelete
  49. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  50. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  51. Dear Nancy Nair, Based on your querry I don't believe that diet is the cause of your husband's shedding. As a matter of fact Cafe Aroma cuisine has been proven to have the opposite effect and has actually grown hair, at least in female diners ,but only above the upper lip.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Dear Frank and Conor,

    Since you are Bromantics what is your opinion of don't ask don't tell in Idyllwild? Curious Sismantic

    ReplyDelete
  53. Hello Boys,
    As an observer of our lives and times, especially at Cafe Aroma, a dilemma occurs to me. It's easy to see why Conor is attracted to Frank, but it boggles the mind as to how Frank could ever be attracted to Conor.
    By the way, Frank, I pick up my mail every day at 3:42PM at Box 180?
    anonymous

    ReplyDelete
  54. Dear Box 180,I get asked that question almost every day.Lots of people assume that he must owe me money,alot of money.While others believe that he must have saved my life at some point and that I am indebted to him.But the truth can be sumed up in one simple word.VISION.The man has vision and he is not afraid to share it. Some of the worst advice I have ever recieved ,I have gotten from Conor. He is not just an expert, He is a pioneer in the field.When others dismissed bad advice as just bad advice ,Conor dug deeper.Bad advice is no longer just a concept. It's something we can act on any time and anywhere.All because of one man,Conor O'farrell, Box 181 , and oh yeah, he owes me alot of money.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Dear Box 180, pull your thong out and make room for your head. I refer to Frank as my left-over man, he's been dining on my sloppy seconds for 15 years now. I'm the Edgar Bergen to his Charlie McCarthy, I'm the Turner to his Hooch, I'm the Don to his Ho. And if you think that you have game enough to move in on my personal "tattoo" on this fantasy island we live on, bring it on. Look at that car Frank drives. Who do you think owes who money? Stick that in your P.O. box and chew on it for awhile

    ReplyDelete
  56. Dear Curious Sismantic, first of all thank you for picking up the use of Pseudonym. All these anonymous's out there seem to be unable to grasp the concept. In answer to your question pertaining to "don't ask, don't tell". I, for one, don't indulge in listening so I never ever ask, and I can't seem to shut up so I almost always tell. That's it in a nutshell, be true to yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  57. Dear Frank and Conor, I am obsessed by the the "bromantics". You are now both embedded in my daily erotic thoughts. How can I function in my lonely every day life without constantly thinking about you? Erotica in Idyllwild

    ReplyDelete
  58. Dear Erotica in Idyllwild,You are not alone.Whats important is to try not act on your on your erotic impulses,We realize that that this may be dificult.At least where Conor is concerned.He dosent refer to himself as irresistable for no reason.Here is the good news, The Bad Advice in the morning 2010 Calander titled "A NEW BROMANCE"will be in stores soon.It will feature a different action shot of the Butch & Sundance of ill concieved opinions every month. Two from our vacation in Greece.Hang it on your wall at home or take it to the office.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Dear Frank and Conor, being the witty, talented underachievers that you are, could you please tell me, what should I do with my life? I'm not sure I'm using my time wisely or efficiently pursuing my career goals. What are my career goals, by the way? I've noticed that you spend a lot of time hanging out at the coffee shop, so I thought you could help.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Dear Frank and Conor,
    People keep making fun of my name. I come from a long line of distinguished Kraps. I’m tired of the snickering and sideways glances I get whenever I say my name. People don’t know that before Homer and the Greek Tragedy was the Krapepic. It was more barnyard than Oedipal, but it was equally rich in its implications. What should I do?
    Should I confront every individual with the unsung storied history of Kraps ranging from Krapratease to Krapnipercus?
    Or, should I just say to hell with it and change the K to a C?
    Sincerely,
    Suzi Krap

    ReplyDelete
  61. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  62. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  63. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Dear Miss Krap, I, myself have been the subject of teasing because of my name,Frank also can mean hot dog, sausage or wiener.While my last name Ferro is derived from the word Ferromanganese,used in the production of steel. There seemed no end to the amount of harrassment and bullying that I experienced in high school. especially at the hands of the cheer squad. Conor's last name,Ofarrell is derived from a gaelic term which translates "He who wets himself in public"As Shakesphere said "What's in a name? That which we call a krap can also smell as sweet. On second thought, I would change my name.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Now, why is frank removing his posts? Has he got something to hide? This is convoluting the process when we can't look back and see what was happening. It disrupts the flow, it warbles the aum, it jiggles the lotus, it tickles the tarot. You know, the one ripple thing.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Oh Jim, maybe Frank is just a bit premature when he hits that enter button. Nothing convoluting about that. I thought his response was stunningly brilliant in it's bad adviceness.
    But, I'm keeping my name.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Dear Bromantics, My younger sister the cougar is visiting in a few weeks and I would like to fix her up with the Idyllbeast. How can I arrange that? Older Couger

    ReplyDelete
  68. Dear Bromantics, How can someone have a hot romance in Idyllwild, without starting a forest fire? Hot to Trot

    ReplyDelete
  69. Dear Frank and Conor. Here are some "bromantic" terms for your list. (Note: some of these words contain more than one syllable, so you might want to ask one of the ladies to help you read them.)

    Brodacious – possessing man-boobs large enough to fill a bro, or mansierre.

    Brohemian – a countercultural bro who fails even the minimum guy standards of hygiene

    Brochure – Frank and Conor’s guyde to bromance.

    Bromeo – a model bro. Alternately: a bro who still manages to attract women despite his slavish devotion to his bromantic other.

    Bro vivant – bro who enjoys the high life (but not Miller’s.)

    Bromedian – the funny member of a bromantic duo. As opposed to the straight man.

    Couch Brotato – a lazy or inactive bro.

    Bro-loan – money lent to a broke bro, to be repaid only with future requests for cash and denials of the original debt. See Frank and Conor’s counterclaims for example.

    Bro-glow – attach this portable light to your bro and you’ll never lose track of him in a crowded bar - no matter how many attractive women get in the way.

    Sincerely,
    Bobcatty

    ReplyDelete
  70. Dear Older Cougar:
    Your sister isn't the first to venture into these woods looking jungle boogie with the famed Idyllbeast. David Jerome would be the man for your sister to talk to. He is to the Idyllbeast what Timothy Treadwell (the grizzly man)was to the grizzly bear...a future meal. Should your sister choose to follow through with this she should follow a few simple guidelines.
    1. Get all her shots. the last time an out of towner (I believe the last woman was from Anza) vody-oh-doed with an Idyllbeast she gave him an STDB (sexually transmitted disease to beast). I nearly wiped out the whole Idyllbeast population. By the time that poor feller was through the Idyllbeasts had the "old clap your hands" so many times it amounted to applause.
    2. Tell your sister to protect herself emotionally. Male Idyllbeasts notoriously never call again after the initial encounter. It can be devastating on a young woman. Hence the name beast.
    3. Your sister should go into training a least a month beforehand in preparation. Yoga, three times a week, is best. Idyllbeasts, as classified by wildlife biologist "Dog" the biologist (now known as "Dog" the bounty hunter) are multi-positional creatures. They've know to snap an unsuspecting female like a twig. Follow these rules and your sister should have a rockin' good time. Happy hunting.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Dear Bobcatty
    I pray to God that a "Bobcatty" is just a "cougar" only younger. Your bro-list is a stunning example of literary dexterity. I applaud you for your contribution to the lexicon of bro-dom. Any future contributions to our little bro-dictionary project should be submitted to the comments page under the "lexicon" post. Thanks for doing your part to make the "br-orld" a better place.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Dear Hot Romance,
    That's easy, confine all your rendez-vous' to an innertube while floating on Lake Fulmor. I go there at least 3 times a week. And by the time I'm done that pond is bubbling hotter than Frank's hot tub during a cheerleader convention. Be careful of the fishermen on the shore. Take it from me, there are at least three places on your body where you don't want to have a fish hook removed.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Dear Suzi Krap
    I once had a friend in middle school named Todd Butt, and he was a real ass. Like-wise I think you're full of "krap". I don't believe that is your real name. This is a site for people with real problems,and Frank and I pour our hearts out on these pages to try to ease some of the pain floating around this troubled planet. So, I wish you would take it a little more seriously before you choose to waste our time with letters about phony names, "SUZI", if that's you're real name.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Here name may be Suzi Karp, but that sounds a little fishy too.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Dear Jim, In reference to my post deletions,You may rest assured that I have nothing to hide from the you or our readership. Here at Bad Advice in the morning Labratories, Conor and I work around the clock to bring you the worst possible advice available on line.Due to the tremendous influx of questions , a piece of advice was posted without being thoroughly tested first.The two posts in question could possibly have been misconstrued as to be good advice, which is not or purpose here.Sorry for any inconvenience.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Dear Frank, Thanks for clearing that up for me. I would hate to lose one word of the incredibly bad advice that you both have posted. I know you don't offer bad advice lightly, in fact you take it very seriously, as do we all. Keep up the bad work.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Dear Frank and Conor, All of a sudden, that happy, contented lifestyle that I have been enjoying all these years no longer suits me. I have become bored and restless. My ticking clock has begun to nag at me. I have recently found myself thinking of getting a really fast car for my next birthday. Should I tell my wife or surprise her?

    ReplyDelete
  78. potential problemJuly 17, 2009 at 7:15 AM

    Dear Frank and Conor,

    After several years of marriage, it has become difficult to maintain a stiff upper lip during intimate times. Knowing nothing about your personal lives or even if either of you are married, what would you suggest I do to starch things up a bit?

    ReplyDelete
  79. Dear Conor,
    Being the much older of the two of you I'm addressing this question to you.
    Having recently had surgery to a sensitive part of my body that
    resulted in my having to use a simple hand pump to make it functional, I find that I am very satisfied using it all by myself. Will I
    ever crave the need of a partner or will I die with a smile on my face
    and a chapped right hand?

    ReplyDelete
  80. Frank and Conor,
    After dating numerous women in Idyllwild during the 10 years I've lived here and finding none that I want to bring home to meet Mother,I remembered the old belief that if men were able to do a certain thing to themselves, not only wouldn't they need women, but they'd never want to leave the house again. I've asked a couple of the local female yoga instructors to help me but they refuse. Do either of you know of any male body workers who could help me get into the position I'm aiming to get into.
    I'm so looking forward to your bad advice.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Dear potential problem, Flacid upper lip syndrome or FULS as it is called in the medical profession is not uncommon in the late stages of marriage.Romantic expressions in the bedroom like "A little more starch,please"may actually increase the risk of complete parayisis of the upper lip.Often resulting in an increased dependance on fake mustaches.Have you thought of going with light starch?

    ReplyDelete
  82. Dear Bored and restless, By all means go out and get that fast car. But why wait for your birthday? Sieze the day! And don't bother telling the Mrs. in advance. Communication,especially in mairrage is way overated. Just make sure that it's running and in the drive way when she finds out.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Dear Trying My Best, First, quit bothering the Yoga Instructors.They already wish you would stay in your house. Believe me when I tell you that they have heard it all and Mamma probably would'nt care for them either.The problem here as we see it is that you are out of come on lines Male body workers are only good for one thing,removing dents from your car.That certain thing that you speak of can be done with lots of nerve, a ballpeen hammer and vice grips, but really should only be performed by a licenced mechanic.Good Luck.

    ReplyDelete
  84. Dear In Bliss, Conor is currently out of the country at the Bad Advice World Symposium in Zurich, where he will be exploring bad ideas and sharing all of our latest research in a paper entitled "I've fallen and I can't get up.What now? In reference to your question , We are all going to die alone but smiling through it if you can is not a bad idea. My advice to you
    is invest in a good pump or as Conor has said "wells dry but the pump
    works great".Bag Baum is also recommended.

    ReplyDelete
  85. Dear Frank. You mention that "In Bliss" is probably out of pick-up lines. I wonder if you could suggest some pick-up lines that would help secure the kinds of services he's seeking. I'm sure such samples would be most unhelpful to your other male readers as well.

    ReplyDelete
  86. How about, "I like your Dodge Ram." or "Man, that's a nice F-150."

    ReplyDelete
  87. Dear Curious, I really can't recall any great pick-up lines that worked for me, although I'm sure there were a few.I do know one that has never worked on me. It goes something like "Excuse me, why is my food taking so long? "What a buzz kill.

    ReplyDelete
  88. I can imagine how many suitors have tried THAT line over the years, from Hemet grannies to Idyllwild tree-cutters. You'd think they'd know that's not the key to a chef's heart.

    ReplyDelete
  89. getting harder to pleaseJuly 23, 2009 at 9:29 PM

    As a great admirer of Frankie's Machine, sorry I meant to say the Frankie Machine, I hate to admit it but Conor's trip evidently has caused him to become even less helpful than he's ever been. Oddly enough, that's a compliment in this context.
    Hate to start any competition between the loving Bro's, but I think Conor is up a point or two. Acknowledging he does nothing useful all day while Frank has more than his hands full (especially when he takes a pissoir break, I think pretty boy better bone up on his destructive advice.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Dear getting harder to please,Your fixation on the Machine is not uncommon. Far to much attention has been payed to Brad's Pit and I personally spend way to much time surfing Google images for a glimpse of Angelina's Jolie.While the Frankie Machine is vying for position along side the Shirley Temple and the Arnold Palmer, The name Conor O'farrell will most certainly be remembered as a titan in the field of truley bad advice.I bow to the master.

    ReplyDelete

report blog violators